Digital self-care:12 simple ways to feel better about your phone

1.Practise conscious use

When you pick up your phone or open an app, pause and ask yourself: what am I doing here? Is this intentional?

Take a deep breath, or a couple. Let it be a tiny meditation in the middle of your day. And if you picked up your phone without meaning to, put it back down.

It sounds almost too simple. But each pause is a moment of presence, and over time, a new habit. This practice grew into the method I teach now, Scroll, Loop, Notice, Choose.

2.Clean up your feed

I think of my feed like my kitchen: the more I use it, the more it needs cleaning. If I'm cooking up content and connection, I need to keep the counters clean, or the mess piles up and stresses me out.

So check what's lurking at the back of your digital cupboards and throw out what's gone mouldy. Unsubscribe from the groups, accounts, emails and people you no longer have time or interest for.

You have full permission to mute and unfollow. If you wouldn't hang out with someone in real life, why hang out with them online? There are no unfollow police. So what really happens when you unfollow someone? Nothing. Your feed just becomes a place that lights you up, instead of dragging you down.

3.Set beautiful boundaries

Boundaries start with noticing. Who and what is coming into your digital space, and how do you feel when you connect there?

Then protect it:

• You don't have to reply to a message or comment the moment you see it.
• Put your phone on do not disturb for parts of the day.
• Keep your phone out of the bedroom, and stop scrolling in bed.
• Give your attention to the people and pets who are actually in the room with you.

4.Close up shop at night

A shop or office closes at 6pm. You can too. Choose a time each evening when you stop, and treat it like locking the door. I use a 9pm cut-off.

Then spend the evening doing things that don't involve a screen: seeing people, moving, reading, making art or music.

5.Take a proper break

A break could be a day, a week, a month or more. Listen to what feels right for you.

I have a name for that feeling when I know social media is affecting my wellbeing: the social media vortex of doom. Having a name for it helps me catch it. I wrote a little poem about it:

If it's triggering anxiety or low mood, call it out and step away for a while. The internet won't break while you're gone.

6.Try a phone-free day

What if we all took one day a week off social media? I love the idea of social media-free Sundays. It reminds me of Nyepi, the Balinese new year, when the whole island goes quiet for a day.

A proper day off every week. Better still with friends or family, so you keep each other going.

7.Let yourself be bored

Create space to be bored. Allow it. Don't fill every queue, pause and gap with a scroll.

Boredom is often where ideas, daydreams and creativity begin. It's also one of the most common doorways into our phones, so it's worth noticing when it's leading you in.

8.Notice how likes make you feel

Likes give us a little hit of reward. Start noticing how much they affect you, and how it feels in your body when you're waiting for them.

I noticed I was feeling a low-level disappointment when posts didn't get as many likes as I'd hoped. I was thinking about who wasn't liking my posts rather than who was, just like waking up thinking about the one bad review instead of the thirty good ones. On some level, I was feeling not good enough.

So I switched it around. I started really seeing the people who were there, connecting with me, and letting myself feel that connection. It's what we all want, after all.

Be a connector, not a competitor.

9.Post less, if you post for work

If you use social media for your job or business, the pressure to post constantly is real. But I've noticed that the more I post, the more I check my phone, and the more my habits take over.

Quality, not quantity. Try working in seasons or series, rather than feeling you have to post something every day. The right people will still be there when you come back.

10.Be kind, and be careful what you share

We don't know if the person on the other side of the screen is having a bad day. Tone gets lost in text, so we can easily misunderstand each other. Be a little kinder online than you might think you need to be.

And remember that what you share becomes data. Messages, comments, clicks and purchases all help platforms and advertisers learn about you. Think about what you're giving away.

11.Move your body

Stand up more often. Stop hunching. Stretch, walk, dance, shake it out.

I learned this the hard way. For years I had a chronic pain in my jaw and mouth that no one could explain. In the end, the conclusion was "text neck": years of bad posture over laptops and phones. Our bodies carry our screen time too.

12.Look up, and meet in person

When you've been on a screen for a while, go outside and look at a big view: a wide landscape, the sky, the horizon. Time in nature is one of the best ways I know to rest a tired mind.

And make time to be together, offline. Meet a friend for coffee. Go for a walk. Keep your phone in your bag on silent when you do, because even a phone sitting on the table can change how present we are with each other.

Why self-care isn't the whole answer

These practices help. But they're not a cure for technology that's designed to keep us hooked, and if you find them hard, that isn't a personal failing. Here's why it's so hard to stop scrolling.

That's why alongside digital self-care, I teach a way to notice the pull as it happens. See Scroll, Loop, Notice, Choose, step by step

Questions people ask